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What are kinks? Where do they come from? And why does this turn me on?

Although there has been an enormous amount of progress when it comes to understanding sexuality, the world of kink is still addressed with a generally negative attitude. Kinks and fetishes are often spoken about as being something “abnormal” or “out of the ordinary” and this instils in us a sense of shame and judgement for indulging in the things that bring us pleasure.

“When we understand that our desire for pleasure comes from a place of innocence, we begin to let go of the shame associated with it.”

What we need to remember is that from the earliest stages of life, human beings desire play. When we play, we feel free, uninhibited, removed from reality in a safe space of our own creation. Just because we get older, does not mean that the desire for play ever leaves us, we simply change the toys and constructs we like to play with. It is a constant evolution. And sex is just one of the many ways adults like to play.

All kinks are innocent

In my previous post, I discussed the concept of Innocent Intimacy. This is a core principal when we begin to explore the world of kink and fetish. Shame is one of the biggest weights we carry when it comes to intimacy. It prevents us from being honest and open about what we need in order to feel fulfilled. When we understand first and foremost that our desire for pleasure comes from a place of innocence, we begin to let go of the shame associated with it. We let go of the notion that there is something fundamentally wrong with us for enjoying things that society has dubbed “unconventional”. Once we shed the shame, we can truly begin to explore and enjoy.

Where do kinks come from?

“When it comes to kinks, I am of the opinion that placing too much focus on trying to dissect their exact origins is actually detrimental to ultimately understanding them.”

The honest answer is that nobody really knows. While there have been extensive psychological studies on the subject of kink and fetish, the truth is that the origins vary entirely from person to person.

When it comes to kinks, I am of the opinion that placing too much focus on trying to dissect their exact origins is actually detrimental to ultimately understanding them. The best way to understand a particular kink is to explore it, indulge it, listen to that calling, the longing, that comes from deep inside you. That is a sign that you are seeking something, fulfilment, and it can only be found when it is truly heard.

Sexuality is a never ending journey, and we have a terrible habit as humans of wanting all the answers immediately. Do not allow the desire for a definitive answer to get in the way of the fulfilment that your soul is ultimately seeking. Take the journey, and you can be guaranteed that the answers will reveal themselves in time, when you are really ready to understand.

Play and exploration are the best ways to learn and grow. As long as all play is consensual and exercised in a controlled and safe environment, there is no reason why these desires should be put in a box. Your kinks are a lot more common than you realize, so get out there and start playing!